NCFM Member Tim Patten, Being Your Best Possible Self
The most crackpot solution offered by women to address issues that affect men is that we should freely express our emotions. However, we are not like them – we must take action! As members of MGTOW, we understand that there is more to improving our lives than opening up emotionally. While this can help resolve certain relationship challenges, but in order to overcome struggles, and achieve life goals it requires hard work and responsible action, often with the aid of a life coach, consultant, or other provider of guidance and support.
Case in point: imagine that you have been invited to give a 10-minute speech on your most passionate hobby. Suddenly, your heart stops. Can you really do it? you wonder. Can you get up in front of many people and not be overcome with stage fright or laughed off the podium? At that point, you breathe slowly and steady yourself. You realize that while you’ve never been a great public speaker, the subject matter you adore is pressing you to say “yes.” You go ahead and accept the invitation.
Pretty soon, you get down to work and write your speech on cards, ensuring that what you have to say reflects your enthusiasm for the topic. Next, you ask a trusted friend to listen to your presentation and critique it. He points out a few things and gives you some advice, and you make the necessary changes. Then, he suggests you tweak your wardrobe a bit, and offers to go with you to sort out what you need. He suggests that you select a shirt with a narrower collar, shorten the sleeves on your jacket, and buy a dressier pair of shoes.
When the big day arrives and you walk out on stage, you feel ready. Yes, your knees are knocking and your hands are sweating, but you open your mouth and the words begin to flow. Eventually, you reach the end and thank the audience. All at once, they start clapping, and you realize that everyone loved it! People come up and mention the big impact that your words had on them. You stand tall, shoulders pulled back, feeling like a million dollars. At that moment, you are at the top of the world.
Coaching to your full potential
A short while later, a realization hits you. While it was your knowledge, love of hobby, and efforts that got you here, you also had some help. Your trusted friend was not just someone you liked and appreciated. He had also served as your life coach, helping you fine-tune your efforts, smarten your look, and give the sort of performance you were truly capable of. He helped you present your best possible self to those who had come to hear what you had to say, and ultimately, to a great many others.
In fact, working with someone like your friend on a regular basis – a knowledgeable individual who can help you move forward, build yourself anew, and open doors to exciting possibilities and opportunities. Whether that person turns out to be a supportive volunteer or a paid professional, he can help you achieve your full potential. Indeed, many of the world’s top performers in any number of areas, including Richard Branson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Serina Williams, and Rodger Feder, understand the value of being coached.
While the best coach might be the popular Dr. Peterson himself, most of us can’t simply move to Toronto and engage with him through his private practice. But there is an alternative. Imagine working with a person like him – someone who has your back when it comes to making good decisions and moving forward with your life. This doesn’t mean getting therapy or following a new medication regimen, by the way. Rather, the goal is to help you examine your thoughts, actions and life choices in detail and work to ensure they are truly in your best interest.
A plan for your future
Each of us will, of course, have different issues and goals in mind. Some might be oriented toward helping us to move past personal problems and previous bad choices that have been holding us back. Others might be aimed at bringing out the best in us, ensuring that we lead purposeful and passionate lives. Regardless, it makes sense to begin by creating a plan, with a prioritized list of those things you believe or know you could be doing better.
As an example, such a list might look something like this:
Circumstances, issues and struggles I want to address or improve
- I sometimes think of suicide
- I want to stop hating my ex-wife who restricts my time with our children
- I want to control my anger
- I want to improve my relationship with my boss
- I want to stop procrastinating and move forward with accomplishing my goals
- I want to ease up on my drinking because I get angry when I’m drunk
- I want to cut down on smoking weed because it makes me lethargic
- I want to have a better relationship with my estranged children
- I want to stop feeling sad
- Should I move off-the-grid and create a new home?
Once you have created a list, the next step is to make sure you have the willingness and wherewithal to accomplish your objectives. There is no point in going through the motions of identifying issues that need to be addressed if there is not going to be any follow-through, which means making the time and securing the assistance necessary to move forward. Once you do this, you’ll have armed yourself for the task of becoming an exceptional version of the “old” you. In other words, you’ll be ready to go and get to work.
Making coaching work
When you start working with a life coach, you may find that it takes a few sessions before you feel comfortable and fully trust him (or her). In most cases, you should be prepared to see this individual at least once a week to ensure continuity and that you remain on track. In those cases where you are working with a psychologist or other such professional, you may find that health insurance covers up to 100% of the cost of the visits. Do not hire a psychiatrist.
Once the process is underway, you must be prepared and open to addressing issues you have identified and altering habitual behaviors, thought patterns, and life-choices. You will want to come up with new mechanisms for coping with these life’s challenges or perhaps alternate ways to navigate in and around the stumbling blocks that can inhibit you from leading the sort of life you want for yourself. These visits should not be seen as venting sessions, sharing feelings, or psychological therapy, but as opportunities to explore challenges and uncover new pathways that may just happen to be emotional.
Keep in mind, however, that life-coaching is not a magical process, nor is it a matter of having someone tell you what to say, think or do. As with any effort aimed at helping you grow as a person and realize personal goals and ambitions, you must do the work and be firmly in the driver’s seat. While your coach is there to assist you, you must decide the path to be taken, how and when the various items on your list should be dealt with, and when to move on. You will also need to determine whether your coach is doing what you require and, if necessary, select a replacement.
In the end, each of us is only human, subject to making mistakes, deceiving ourselves, and being held back by inherent obstacles. But that doesn’t mean we must leave things as they are or assume nothing can be done. As liberated and self-directed men, we can work on ourselves and those issues that need improving in an effort to enhance our lives and bring more joy to our friends, families and communities. With the assistance of a coach, we can gain greater clarity, become more motivated to achieve our life’s purpose, and live life as our best possible selves.
What could be better than that?
About the author
Tim Patten is the author of MGTOW: Building Wealth and Power, a handy investment guide, and MGTOW: Why I Cheat, a collection of campfire stories for men. His latest book, Masculinity Is Our Future, is available in both print and audio formats. Tim has devoted his life’s work to celebrating masculinity and is active in the men’s liberation phenomenon.